When It's Over, Trust Your Gut

I have never ended a relationship thinking, geez, I wish I would have stayed longer and tried to make it work. No, usually by the time I have found the courage to end a relationship, I wish I wouldn't have stayed as long as I had. Everyone is different but when I think about ending the relationship, I try to talk sense into myself (eye roll). I try to rationalize and find out why I am feeling a certain way. Too much stress at work? Am I unhappy with my other relationships? Am I putting too much emphasizes on what others think or say about my relationship? Then I feel it. An intangible, heavy knot in the pit of my stomach. I know, the relationship is not quite right and that is when I go with my gut. I don't spend too much time thinking about it after I get that feeling. Why? Because not one guy, girl, mean dog, less than friendly cat or other is worth my peace. 

When I was younger, I felt as if I had the world in the palm of my hand and I could eat it in one satiable bite. I did not have to tolerate a guy's poor treatment because I had options.  Turns out, the world is colder, more cruel and bigger than one might think. Too many of those awful relationships chip away at your self-esteem, your idea of who you are or think you want to be. Once that happens, game over. Your non-negotiables have become open for debate. I have these intrinsic core values and when my partner does not respect those values, I get that gut feeling of something being terribly off. 

My latest relationship was longer than any relationship I have been in thus far. Part of why it lasted as long as it did was because I was the one meeting him in "the middle" (there was no middle, only his way). He did not treat people with respect. He spoke ill of people. He did not like animals. He was not a feminist. He did not believe in equal rights for the LGBTQ community. The list goes on. As long as we did not discuss any of these things, we were fine. The feeling started slowly; I would find excuses to end phone and text conversations. Soon, those stopped altogether unless we absolutely needed to speak. Then I noticed, I would avoid seeing him. I drowned myself in work. I devoted myself to my family, which in turn gave me a regular excuse not to see him because I had events to attend or favors to do for my family. I stopped inviting him to family functions until one day, he said he was coming over whether I liked it or not. There it was. The sinking feeling in my stomach and I audibly sighed. I had some self-reflection to do. Did our core values align? Nope. Would I want our future children to be anything like this man? Nope. Did he relish in my happiness, my successes? Nope. Did everything about this man annoy me, even things out of his control? Yes. I knew then, I had to end it. 

Here is the thing, we are all born with some sort of compass. Some use it, others don't. If you are one of those who doesn't, I suggest you try listening to it even if it's just once. Whether it's a job, a relationship, a subscription, when it's over your gut is the first to know. Trust your gut.