Cheater, Cheater

Before you read these stories, I want you to know the names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent parties. This story was told to me over cocktails, but we should have been drinking tea because, honey, she spilled it all! The details are real and told by the people who were cheated on. This is part one of two stories.

*Jane and *Matt had dated since October 2010. She was in a sorority, he in a fraternity. It was a match made in heaven. After four years, they were engaged. Time couldn’t keep them together, and it all came crumbling down.

April 18, 2016, started off as a typical workday for Jane. She had started her morning when she received a text message from Matt’s co-worker’s (let’s name her *Stacie) husband. It was a picture of two people in a sexual position. After years of dating and living together, Jane recognized the boxers. She knew it was Matt. She had had an underlying suspicion Matt had been cheating. He had always been weird with his phone. It was as if his phone was a heavily guarded secret Matt kept in his back pocket. His schedule had also recently changed; he would wake up earlier and stay at work later. Despite the subtle red flags, this text message came as a shock. Jane had just started her position with this employer, but her supervisor could tell she was visibly shaken and sent her home. Did Jane go home? Hell no. Jane. was. mad. After crying, she called the new friend she had recently made at work, *Sarah (remember this name. She will come up again in this post). Jane also called all her friends, and with the last bit of courage, she decided to drive to Matt’s work. She walked in and recognized everyone who worked there including Stacie. She walked to Matt’s office, knocked on the door, and with the picture on full blast, put the phone to his face. “We need to talk,” he stoically said. Matt unloaded the secret he had been hiding. Jane was at fault. She never praised him enough, he said. It was at this moment where all of the inconsistencies came bubbling to the surface.

He had been getting to work earlier and staying later because Matt and Stacie had been secretly dating for three months! During which, Matt postponed the wedding date without any real explanation. At the beginning of the affair, Matt’s company had a Christmas party, where Matt first introduced Jane to Stacie. At this point, Stacie had just had her baby. Jane remembered holding the baby and bonding with Stacie. The betrayal ran deep. Jane messaged her on Facebook, “I’ve been thinking about sending this message for a while,” she started. Jane needed to know why? Why Matt? Stacie wrote back, seemingly apologetic. After all, she said, Matt and Jane “were such a good couple.” Matt loves you so much, she replied. The next day Stacie followed up with another shocking message. She took her apology back, claiming Matt loved her, the whole office could tell. Stacie proceeded to send Jane text messages exchanged between them. She saw it there, in black and white. Her fiancé and Stacie proclaiming their mutual love for the other. What hurt her, even more, was Matt was never this sexual with her. Their love life had been lackluster at best, but here he was messaging this new love crazy, sexual, raunchy messages. Stacie went on to tell her about the ring Matt had bought her.

Despite his cheating, Matt seemed determined to make it up to Jane. They had been together for so long; she felt as if she would have let those years go to waste if she did not try to make it work. For a while, he tried. He bought a house for them, he did the therapist recommended exercises, and followed through with letting Jane know she was beautiful and loved. She couldn’t let it go. Thoughts of his betrayal lingered, and she did what any woman in her position would have done, internet sleuthed. Soon, she found a secret Pinterest board Matt and Stacie had shared where they posted sex quotes and their hopes for their future together. How could she leave even after finding this old board? Matt would even sleep on the couch so the home security cameras where so she could see when he was home. He was trying.

Jane thinks back on this heart-wrenching experience. If she hadn’t gone with the societal pressure of the fairytale relationship and wedding, she wouldn’t have stayed as long as she did. At some point, she realized it wasn’t going to happen. Even though Matt was making an effort to make her feel like he cared, he eventually stopped trying. The dwindling relationship ended “abruptly” on Jane’s end. She realized she deserved better. She wanted someone who wanted to be with me, someone better than a cheater. As she put it, “I didn't deserve that.” So she ripped the bandaid off because she knew it would hurt if she tried to draw it out. She could no longer imagine herself with him. She would never be at the altar with him saying, “I’m with someone who never cheated on me.”

If she could go back, she would have broken up with him before the engagement. When she initially heard he was cheating on her back in college, she would have walked away. She believes he probably had cheated before getting caught. Looking back on this, Jane says she would have taken the insinuations and cheating accusations his friends made more serious.

Any advice? “Don’t let the memories bother you as much. You will see it in everything. I was constantly I was upset about this. If you can allow yourself not to get bothered by it, it will make things and moving on easier.”